Many of you have been asking for an update on our adoptions. Even though I've wanted to do an update post for a while now, I've been busy with our recent school changes and getting caught up on some things that had been neglected. I was also waiting on some other news.
News on our kids is about the same. A few weeks ago we received updated pictures of them. They are looking more and more healthy thanks to our agencies awesome foster care. With each set of update pictures I long more and more for them to be home and to be their momma. They are beautiful!
The agency has all the paperwork we could possibly give them at this point and now we wait for things to process. We are hoping and praying that we will be able to travel late winter/early spring to get our kiddos!
Many of you have also asked how the Love Don't Cost Nada benefit concert went. It was great and we are blown away at how God is providing for these adoptions! A very special THANK YOU to Webfiling, everyone involved, and those of you who came or donated to help us raise money through The Fatherless Foundation! Drum roll please! Over $10,000 was raised!!!!! This does not include the many donations that were just handed to us in the weeks leading up to and following the benefit! We feel truly blessed and humbled by how God is bringing His plan about! Money and support is coming from people and places we least expected and that is what is so cool! There will still be some money needed for our flights, the trip, and other adoption needs, but we trust that God will bring everything to completion!
Something that many people have said to us when they find out we are adopting are things like how kind of us, or nice of us, or that we are either saints or insane. My response to this is that we are not naturally kind or nice. We are definitely not saints. And I ask God everyday if we really are insane and pray that we aren't. I remember a message this last summer at church when the pastor speaking said that following God will look like craziness to the world around us. Following God makes us look insane because sometimes God asks us to do things that we could never accomplish on our own strength. We're simply trying to do what we believe God wants us to do and we trust that He will continue to show up. He's adopted us into HIS family and God clearly calls His children to care for the orphaned as He has cared for us. I often tell people that if anything good comes out of this journey it will be because of how good God is. Our home is made up of five giant sinners. Apart from God we are just five giant sinners adopting two more giant sinners. To the person who doesn't know Jesus, those odds don't look promising. But God can take the worst of sinners and use them for His glory and I pray that He does that with our family.
Many people also say how excited we must be. I response to this is a big fat YES! We are SO excited, BUT we are also scared. A few days after we received the first picture of our African son, Caedmon and I were laying in bed talking one night. He was upset about something and I was trying to get him to let it out. Finally he said that he didn't think he wanted us adopting anymore. He was feeling scared of the unknown and worried that we wouldn't have enough love for five kids. I told him about how when he was two and I was pregnant with Payton, I was uncertain that I could ever love our second child as much as I loved our first. But God just gave us more love to give. And then when Reagan was born God gave even more love to pour out. Mom is tired a lot and wishes she had four arms instead of two, but love for all my babies has never been in short supply. I told Caedmon that I have prayed a lot that God would supply more love like that again for my new babies. Babies I didn't get to carry in my womb but, my heart. I trust He will supply more love that will be needed.
I also reassured Caedmon that it's okay to be scared, but that it's what we do with it that matters. We could stop the process because of fear of the what ifs or because we are scared of how hard things may or may not be, but we would miss out on what God wants. It is okay, no needed, to cry out to God and say we are scared and that we desperately need Him to calm our anxious hearts and give us courage. It's not okay to stop walking with Him and disobey Him because we are scared. Caedmon seemed satisfied with this encouragement and I thanked God for the words to give him confidence, security, and excitement again.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
a hard decision
Last week
we decided to put Caedmon back into public school. This decision has
been a long time coming and was a very hard decision to make.
As much as I so badly wanted homeschooling to work out great for Caedmon, it just wasn't working for both of us. We first started homeschooling him because he needed some one on one attention with his reading and math. His reading has improved greatly and he now has a very good foundation in math. When we started he wasn't even able to do small math in his head because of what I believe to be a rotten foundation. Now he can do small math in his head without having to count lines or dots which is what they were having him do at school. Hopefully his solid foundation will allow him to excel in math at school now. Even though he has improved on these subjects, he will have some other subjects to improve on, such as handwriting and sentence construction. These are not our reasons for sending him back to public though and I definitely don't regret trying homeschooling out with him.
If you have young children you will know that life as a mom is crazy. Great but crazy! As Christ following moms we are called to be the heart of our homes. This looks different in every christian family, but one thing is for sure. We are to teach our children to love and obey God and give Him glory with everything we do. I'm sure some would argue with me about this, but no where in the Bible does it say that as parents we have to be the ones teaching academics to our children. Going through this, yes I do care how my son learns math, but in comparison, I'm far more concerned about his heart. In the past year of homeschooling there has been a giant change in the heart of our family. Changes that were not for the better. Now remember, as mom I'm the heart of the family and so when I see a problem with the heart of our family then I am called to address it and make changes accordingly. For a long time I thought the heart issues were the exact reason we needed to continue homeschooling. But the longer we've gone, the more I see things clearer.
In general when Caedmon was in public school he was a happier boy. He may have been struggling academically in some areas but his heart was more joyful. This seems backwards to me, but when he was in public school he talked a lot more about God. He was always telling me stories about talking to other kids about God during recess or he was telling me about something at school that didn't line up with the Bible. He was being in the world, but not of it. He was able to see the contrast between living for God and not. Even at that young age. We talked a lot more about God with him then because there was more questions about the sin and the lost. In the end we just want our kids to love Jesus. How academics are taught is not what God is concerned about. He's concerned about our hearts. Caedmon's heart was in better condition when we was in public school.
Caedmon is not the only one who has gained a heart condition from our year of homeschooling. Although I LOVE the idea of homeschooling and really wish it would have worked for Caedmon and I, it just didn't. I am to be a wife and mom that loves Jesus, teaches my children to love Jesus, and keeps some kind of peace and order to our home. As a homeschooling mom, I wasn't doing much of that. Teaching my kids turned into obsessing about their academic abilities, rather then teaching them to know and love God. Teaching my kids turned into daily fits and tears over math but no sorrow about our sin or joy in God's forgiveness. I've always struggled with anger, but my anger had become more and more evident while homeschooling Caedmon. I wasn't being a good wife and mom. I was starting the day in dread and ending it in guilt. I was definitely not teaching my children to love God or love learning.
So am I a failure? Man I sure felt like one while homeschooling Caedmon and even more so when we started discussing the possibility of him going back to public. I thought a lot about what people would think of me. Was I weak? Did I really care about my kids? Was this not working because I was stupid? After talking to lots of wise people who know us well, I discovered that these were all lies. The truth is, I didn't fail. To continue doing something that isn't working just to save face is a failure. Strength is being able to admit that something in your life isn't working right and being able to humbly change it in order for it to work well.
Since making this decision I've been so much more peaceful and loving in how I deal with my kids. I know that this decision will not make everything perfect but it will help me be better equiped to be a good MOM. The other night I was reading to the girls in the evening and I realized that I was actually enjoying it. I couldn't remember the last time I enjoyed reading to my kids. I couldn't remember the last time I actually wanted to take my time putting them to bed.
In this decision we also had to realize just how much I'm going to be needed once our African kiddos are home. This new change will allow me to give them lots of attention needed for effective attachment during the day, and hopefully make me more available to Caedmon in the afternoon after school.
I look forward to the feelings of actually missing Caedmon and looking forward to him coming home. I loved greeting him at the door and talking with him about his day. Unfortunately, those times had more quality in them then a full day with him.
So Mr. Caedmon starts up public school again on the 22nd! He is very excited now. As of Tuesday he was hiding under his bed crying about it because he is very much like his momma and doesn't handle change well. Within two days, the night when he told him our final decision, he was excited and joyful and asking if he got to pick out a new lunch box. Last night I took him shopping and actually enjoyed it. :)
Payton is having a great time with homeschooling. The plan is to finish kindergarten with her at home and at the end of the year decide what we will do for 1st grade. She is excited about learning and has really great friends in her Friday K1 class with our homeschooling group. Each kiddos is different so we'll see what happens.
If you've made it this far through my long winded explanation then you must be really bored...or your actually care. Thanks!
As much as I so badly wanted homeschooling to work out great for Caedmon, it just wasn't working for both of us. We first started homeschooling him because he needed some one on one attention with his reading and math. His reading has improved greatly and he now has a very good foundation in math. When we started he wasn't even able to do small math in his head because of what I believe to be a rotten foundation. Now he can do small math in his head without having to count lines or dots which is what they were having him do at school. Hopefully his solid foundation will allow him to excel in math at school now. Even though he has improved on these subjects, he will have some other subjects to improve on, such as handwriting and sentence construction. These are not our reasons for sending him back to public though and I definitely don't regret trying homeschooling out with him.
If you have young children you will know that life as a mom is crazy. Great but crazy! As Christ following moms we are called to be the heart of our homes. This looks different in every christian family, but one thing is for sure. We are to teach our children to love and obey God and give Him glory with everything we do. I'm sure some would argue with me about this, but no where in the Bible does it say that as parents we have to be the ones teaching academics to our children. Going through this, yes I do care how my son learns math, but in comparison, I'm far more concerned about his heart. In the past year of homeschooling there has been a giant change in the heart of our family. Changes that were not for the better. Now remember, as mom I'm the heart of the family and so when I see a problem with the heart of our family then I am called to address it and make changes accordingly. For a long time I thought the heart issues were the exact reason we needed to continue homeschooling. But the longer we've gone, the more I see things clearer.
In general when Caedmon was in public school he was a happier boy. He may have been struggling academically in some areas but his heart was more joyful. This seems backwards to me, but when he was in public school he talked a lot more about God. He was always telling me stories about talking to other kids about God during recess or he was telling me about something at school that didn't line up with the Bible. He was being in the world, but not of it. He was able to see the contrast between living for God and not. Even at that young age. We talked a lot more about God with him then because there was more questions about the sin and the lost. In the end we just want our kids to love Jesus. How academics are taught is not what God is concerned about. He's concerned about our hearts. Caedmon's heart was in better condition when we was in public school.
Caedmon is not the only one who has gained a heart condition from our year of homeschooling. Although I LOVE the idea of homeschooling and really wish it would have worked for Caedmon and I, it just didn't. I am to be a wife and mom that loves Jesus, teaches my children to love Jesus, and keeps some kind of peace and order to our home. As a homeschooling mom, I wasn't doing much of that. Teaching my kids turned into obsessing about their academic abilities, rather then teaching them to know and love God. Teaching my kids turned into daily fits and tears over math but no sorrow about our sin or joy in God's forgiveness. I've always struggled with anger, but my anger had become more and more evident while homeschooling Caedmon. I wasn't being a good wife and mom. I was starting the day in dread and ending it in guilt. I was definitely not teaching my children to love God or love learning.
So am I a failure? Man I sure felt like one while homeschooling Caedmon and even more so when we started discussing the possibility of him going back to public. I thought a lot about what people would think of me. Was I weak? Did I really care about my kids? Was this not working because I was stupid? After talking to lots of wise people who know us well, I discovered that these were all lies. The truth is, I didn't fail. To continue doing something that isn't working just to save face is a failure. Strength is being able to admit that something in your life isn't working right and being able to humbly change it in order for it to work well.
Since making this decision I've been so much more peaceful and loving in how I deal with my kids. I know that this decision will not make everything perfect but it will help me be better equiped to be a good MOM. The other night I was reading to the girls in the evening and I realized that I was actually enjoying it. I couldn't remember the last time I enjoyed reading to my kids. I couldn't remember the last time I actually wanted to take my time putting them to bed.
In this decision we also had to realize just how much I'm going to be needed once our African kiddos are home. This new change will allow me to give them lots of attention needed for effective attachment during the day, and hopefully make me more available to Caedmon in the afternoon after school.
I look forward to the feelings of actually missing Caedmon and looking forward to him coming home. I loved greeting him at the door and talking with him about his day. Unfortunately, those times had more quality in them then a full day with him.
So Mr. Caedmon starts up public school again on the 22nd! He is very excited now. As of Tuesday he was hiding under his bed crying about it because he is very much like his momma and doesn't handle change well. Within two days, the night when he told him our final decision, he was excited and joyful and asking if he got to pick out a new lunch box. Last night I took him shopping and actually enjoyed it. :)
Payton is having a great time with homeschooling. The plan is to finish kindergarten with her at home and at the end of the year decide what we will do for 1st grade. She is excited about learning and has really great friends in her Friday K1 class with our homeschooling group. Each kiddos is different so we'll see what happens.
If you've made it this far through my long winded explanation then you must be really bored...or your actually care. Thanks!
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Misc. Pictures
Random pictures from the last few months.
The girls played in the mud! Which is SO much fun until it is time to get hosed off.
"Helping" with the chicken coop.
The kids camped out in the living for a few nights.
Found these two zonked out like this together.
The three girl cousins (on the Crawford side) sitting on Grandpa John's new bike.
It's so great to see these boys hanging out again! God is doing some great things!
All the cousins on the Crawford side! Soon there will be NINE kiddos! Can't wait to see them all together!
I was going through some closet stuff and found our slings. The kids and I had so much fun seeing who could still fit.
My biggest baby!
The girls played in the mud! Which is SO much fun until it is time to get hosed off.
"Helping" with the chicken coop.
The kids camped out in the living for a few nights.
Found these two zonked out like this together.
The three girl cousins (on the Crawford side) sitting on Grandpa John's new bike.
It's so great to see these boys hanging out again! God is doing some great things!
All the cousins on the Crawford side! Soon there will be NINE kiddos! Can't wait to see them all together!
I was going through some closet stuff and found our slings. The kids and I had so much fun seeing who could still fit.
My biggest baby!
Birthdays!
We had a fun and crazy week of birthdays! It's really convenient that our girls birthdays are just 5 days apart. It makes for one big party and we get the craziness over with in one shot! I'm sure this may change the older they get but for now it's great. Next year I think we will do something smaller with just the girls close friends. Like a movie night or something easy like that!
Reagan's birthday. 3 years old! Can't believe it!
She is in a Minnie Mouse phase.
Caedmon made her a crown and an egg in a toast hole for breakfast.
Payton's birthday. 6 years old, going on 13!
As you can see, we had a very fancy breakfast that morning.
All you ladies born in the 80s, remember Fashion Plates? I had a set and LOVED them! They don't make them anymore but I did find something pretty dang close! It's called Fashion Designer and she likes it a lot.
The P-A-R-T-Y!
Payton has been trying to convince me to make her a Barbie cake for a few years now. I'm okay with my girls playing with Barbie, just wasn't too excited about a Barbie party. This was the only Barbie thing about the party. :)
And of course a Minnie Mouse cake for Reagan.
I put out a paper pumpkin craft. I think it ended up being a little too hard for some of the kids to do on their own. Oh well.
Reagan's birthday. 3 years old! Can't believe it!
She is in a Minnie Mouse phase.
Caedmon made her a crown and an egg in a toast hole for breakfast.
Payton's birthday. 6 years old, going on 13!
As you can see, we had a very fancy breakfast that morning.
All you ladies born in the 80s, remember Fashion Plates? I had a set and LOVED them! They don't make them anymore but I did find something pretty dang close! It's called Fashion Designer and she likes it a lot.
The P-A-R-T-Y!
Payton has been trying to convince me to make her a Barbie cake for a few years now. I'm okay with my girls playing with Barbie, just wasn't too excited about a Barbie party. This was the only Barbie thing about the party. :)
And of course a Minnie Mouse cake for Reagan.
I put out a paper pumpkin craft. I think it ended up being a little too hard for some of the kids to do on their own. Oh well.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Girls room.
The bedding that I ordered the other day came and I got it put on all the girls beds. It's a lot of floral print but I really like it.
Can't wait until Miss Madelyn can enjoy it with her sisters!
Can't wait until Miss Madelyn can enjoy it with her sisters!
package of love!
Guess what came in the mail today from Aunt Erin and the rest of the Meschke clan?!
Mr. Easton and Miss Madelyn got their first official mail at their future home.
These beautiful blankets were inside the package along with a very sweet note!
Mr. Easton and Miss Madelyn got their first official mail at their future home.
These beautiful blankets were inside the package along with a very sweet note!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Names!
We recently decided on names for our African kiddos! We will be keeping their African names as their middle names. For security reasons I can't tell you those, but I can share the names we are intending on using as their first names. All the kid's names in our family end in N for their first names so we just decided to carry that on.
Our son will be Easton.
Why did we choose Easton? Cause we like it.
What does Easton mean? Eastern Settlement. Exciting, I know.
Will we nickname Easton? No.
Our daughter will be Madelyn.
Why did we choose it? Cause we like it.
What does Madelyn mean? From Magdala. Magdala means elegant, great, or tower. That's coo.
Will we nickname Madelyn? No.
Besides Jessica to Jess and Jason to Jerk (ha! I made a funny!), I'm just not that into shortening names. Caedmon is still Caedmon and not Cade or CJ. Sometimes he's Caveman by people who can't pronounce his name. Payton is still Payton... or Payton DeBRA with an emphasis on BRA. I know. I'm classy. :) Reagan is still Reagan... or sometimes Reagan Rue, but I don't know why. I'm sure when the other two kids come we will eventually have extended personalized "nicknames" for them too.
So there you go. Hope you like the kids name. If you don't, I don't give a rats applesauce so just keep your opinions to yourselves. Otherwise I would love to hear the nice things you have to say. :)
Our son will be Easton.
Why did we choose Easton? Cause we like it.
What does Easton mean? Eastern Settlement. Exciting, I know.
Will we nickname Easton? No.
Our daughter will be Madelyn.
Why did we choose it? Cause we like it.
What does Madelyn mean? From Magdala. Magdala means elegant, great, or tower. That's coo.
Will we nickname Madelyn? No.
Besides Jessica to Jess and Jason to Jerk (ha! I made a funny!), I'm just not that into shortening names. Caedmon is still Caedmon and not Cade or CJ. Sometimes he's Caveman by people who can't pronounce his name. Payton is still Payton... or Payton DeBRA with an emphasis on BRA. I know. I'm classy. :) Reagan is still Reagan... or sometimes Reagan Rue, but I don't know why. I'm sure when the other two kids come we will eventually have extended personalized "nicknames" for them too.
So there you go. Hope you like the kids name. If you don't, I don't give a rats applesauce so just keep your opinions to yourselves. Otherwise I would love to hear the nice things you have to say. :)
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