Adoption Update

For a long time now I've thought about doing an adoption update. Unfortunately this is still not a whole lot to update as far as moving forward. If you've been following our journey then you know that our son is stuck in a 3-6 month investigation along with every other orphan being adopted from the same country. This is good considering that the whole point of the investigation is to gain knowledge of true orphan status, however, it is extremely difficult for the adopting family and the child waiting to come home.

July marked one year that we've been matched with our son and one year that he's been with his foster family waiting to come home. An entire year with a son we've never met.

On the 15th of the this month we reach FIVE months into the investigation. FIVE months of trying to figure out if little Mr is a true orphan.

And all this time we've still been paying a foster care fee every month.

Today brings me to a breaking point. Earlier today I asked our agency for an estimate of future payments and travel cost. What I got in response was enough to put a giant rock in my throat and knots in my stomach. These last several months of everyday waking up to no email from the embassy was depressing enough. Today, I have been pushed over my edge and I feel like I'm hanging on to strands. I think I know that it was still going to take a giant chunk of funds to finish up getting Easton home but actually seeing the numbers totally floored me. THEN I multiplied that by two, cause we will have to travel twice. Once to get Easton and once to get baby Josephine. More specifics in a minute.

So I'll admit that I've spent much of these months secluding myself from others, especially my peers, feeling that no one understands or assuming that everyone is sick of listening to my adoption woes. (we're coming up on THREE years since we decided to adopt.) I'm realizing that these are most likely lies from Satan and my own prideful issues. I know that Satan would totally love it if I would continue in my seclusion and depression, leaving me paralysed and ineffective to the gospel.  Though gardening is a good hobby to have, plants unfortunately can not hug me and speak words of encouragement to me. I wish. I would love to be hugged by a zucchini... especially if it was fried. SO today in the garden I talked a lot to my best friend. The only one who knows my heart even when I can't express it. I also sucked it up and called on the phone a friend while I was sitting there picking green beans. It's been a long time since I had done that.

Tonight I am pretty discouraged. I'm deeply concerned for our children on the other side of the world. Even though they have not been given to me to care for yet, they have still been given to my heart. And though worry is not right, I do worry for them because I'm a woman and a mom... and  a sinful human. I know that God loves them more then I ever will and that's what leaves me so confused about this long waiting. I know that God in control is a good thing and yet I know that those babies need families. Our family.

Lots of my deep pain comes out in some good old ugly crying in the shower. Tonight was one of those nights. I found myself angry! Just pain angry. Angry that adoption cost so much. Angry with the waiting. Angry with the ease of abortion compared to the difficulty of adoption. I found myself being so bold as to say to God, "Just do SOMETHING. Either say yes and move mountains or say no and stop the agonizing waiting." This brings me to the torturous thoughts I've been having all week. Would God bring us all this way just to say no? Would He? I really want to say no, but I can not be so proud. He could. I don't foresee that and I don't want Him to say no, but reality is that He has the power too. I've experienced both, He both gives and takes away. Oh, please don't take this away. This has created a righteous fear of Him, but I keep praying for faith that He cares about every detail of our lives even within His great power.

I keep being more and more humbled beyond comfort with how little I have to do with His plans and yet I call all this "our" journey, "our" adoptions. The truth is, it's His idea. His plans. It's His that He only invites us to be used as His instruments. Now more then ever as I wait and wait and wait, I'm seeing that it's not about me. I'm very much a broken pot that just deserves hell. The fact that He would even consider using me, and my sinful family for anything great is and should always be beyond my understanding.

So considering that adoption is His idea and that as Christ followers we are called to help orphans it's really time to swallow my pride and just say it. We need money. Prayer mostly, but money as a close second. Let me say that I HATE HATE HATE asking for money. That's maybe why God has made us too "poor" to adopt. He knows our sinful hearts are full of pride. After all, you have to admit, it's really embarrassing asking for money. But there. I think I did it. We need money. Could you give us some? I say this in a pretty humorous way, maybe in some subconscious way to save face, but the truth is out. We just do. If you blog readers are our friends then I'll just tell ya flat out as if a friend had texts me and asked for an update. I'd say, we need around HIGH END $20,000 still to get Easton home. That includes our 4th payment to our agency, estimated round trip tickets for Jason and I, one way ticket for Mr. Easton, hotel, travel, and food while there. This is NOT including however many more months of foster care will be required and this is not including any supplies we may need to purchase before travel. (I'll post a practical list as the time gets closer to travel)

WHAT?!

Now do you understand our desperation? Now do you understand why I just really don't give rip if I offend anyone by asking for money anymore? Now do you understand why I can't afford to be proud?

I have NO IDEA how it's gonna happen. And with both dread and excitement I want to see how it does.

I guess I should update you on the whole travel thing. We've known for a while now that we have to travel there to get the kids. We've recently learned that BOTH parents are required to be there for certain appointments. We also know that the estimated in country stay time is 2-4 weeks. 2-4 weeks people! I'm totally going to flip having to leave Caedmon, Payton, and Reagan for that long. Makes me pretty sick to my stomach actually. So please please please just pray that everything works out. Pray that the stay is not long to get Easton and that Jason can stay the entire time especially for bonding issues. Right now the plan for when we go get baby Josephine would be that Jason would fly home after those appointments that he has to be at and that the baby and I would come home later once we get the exit approval. Josephine is not through court yet so unfortunately it will still be a while before she gets to join us. Oh and did I mention she will have to go through an investigation as well. More waiting.

So pray for Easton investigation to pass! Pray that God continues to provide for these adoptions! Pray for all the details of travel when the time comes. 

Mr. Caedmon, now nine years old, continues to be a sweet encourager in hard times like today and he has it so right. It's just so simple to him. "Mom, it's just gonna be the way God wants it to be." He's SO right. Love that boy! What a truth speaker! Praise God for the children in my lives! He uses them daily to refine my thinking!

If you've made it this far and read this whole thing then how wonderful! You either really love us or you really love orphans. Either way I'm pretty grateful so THANK YOU!

Crock Pot Mexican... Something

I made a really easy and delicious crock pot dish tonight.  Sometimes it's a good thing when we are low on groceries because it forces me to experiment. This was an experiment that went well!

Crock Pot Mexican... Something?

1 lb. ground turkey (shredded chicken would be really good too!)
2-3 large green peppers chopped
1 large onion chopped
1 can black beans drained and rinsed
1 can sweet corn drained
1 can diced tomatoes w/ juice
1 basket mushrooms sliced
2 Tbsp chopped garlic
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
1/2 tsp seasoning salt
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp chili powder
2 Tbsp olive oil
1 cup water

Put everything into the crock pot, even raw ground turkey broken into bite size pieces.  Cook on low all day or high for 4 hours. Serve over brown rice. Topping options: shredded cheese, sour cream (plain greek yogurt in our house), fresh cilantro, diced avocado, or corn chips.

FYI, I'm kind of guessing on the seasoning amounts. I never measure when I'm cooking. Soooo....good luck with that part for all you by the book people out there. :)

Zuppa Toscana Soup!

I'm taking advantage of all this rainy weather and continuing on with lots of soups on the menu. Right now my kitchen smells like Zuppa Toscana soup. No I did not order carryout from Olive Garden. My Zuppa puts that to shame. Here's the recipe.

Zuppa Toscana Soup

1 Tbsp olive oil
1 Tbsp finely chopped garlic
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
One large onion diced
1 lb Italian sausage (I get mine at the Fareway meat department)
2 boxes Vegetable broth (I use Swanson 32oz. 100% Natural no MSG added)
10-15 small red potatoes sliced into rings
12 oz. Heavy cream (I use Picket Fence Creamery)
1 or 2 big bunches of fresh Kale, chopped to bite size
salt and pepper to taste

In a large pot cook olive oil, garlic, red pepper flakes, onion, and sausage, stirring often to ensure even cooking. Add in vegetable stock and sliced potatoes. When potatoes are cooked through add cream. Add chopped Kale right before serving.
I like to pair this with some yummy bread or toasted baguette topped with Parmesan and fresh basil. YUM!

Spring is in the air!

I am SO happy that spring is finally here! I'm not sure how much longer I could be stuck inside with hyper kids and not go insane!
Last week we put up the trampoline and we've had tired kids every night since! Most nights they are out in about five minutes after putting them to bed!
It's been raining this week but we did have one very warm day. Most of the day Monday I was down to one kid! Reagan and I went on a "date" to get flower seeds to plant around the house and I got a few things to finish a spring project I've been wanting to do for a while.

I found this on Pinterest a long time ago and thought it was So adorable.

Here's mine. I found this old umbrella at Goodwill last week and knew right away what I was gonna do with it!

Bare feet and a big stack of seeds! Hope they actually grow!

Spring is making the chickens much happier too! In just one week we went from getting 2 eggs a day, sometimes even none, to 6 eggs as of yesterday! Soon we will be back up to 8 a day! Can't wait to see some of those flowers growing around the coop!

Easter

Here's my Easter brats. The love between these guys was not felt this Easter. It was frustrating for this momma and lots of candy got thrown away because of it.
At least they were dressed cute.

Here a fight begins. Didn't realize I was getting it on camera until much later. A thumb getting bent back in this one.

Notice the fist and the sore tummy. A punch happened a few seconds before this picture was snapped.

The outcome. Stinky looks, tears, and pointing the blame. Wow. The need of a Savior on full display. What a lovely Easter morning.

"You'll never hear my say this again. EVERYONE JUMP ON THE COUCH!" said Mom, giving grace.

My buck tooth Easter bunny.

Adoption update...or lack there of.

Unfortunately I have no update for you as far as when kids are coming home. There is still the investigations to go through which we are still being told they COULD take up to 6 months in the worse case scenario. We are praying it is much sooner, but also know that God's timing is best.

We did find out that our baby girl is now in the same foster home as Mr Easton and that makes us happy.  We are STILL trying to figure out a baby name. I've had a long list and Jason hasn't liked most of them. Punk.

I had fun getting a care package ready for her! Here's what we sent.
Lotion and soap, pacifiers, a puppy (got two, one to keep here in case this one doesn't come home with her), clothes, a blanket that smells like us, a picture album, and a scarf for the foster mom.
It was strange buying baby stuff! I'll have to keep my eye open at garage sales this year since we got rid of our baby things a few years ago!

Adoption Update!

Today we received a new referral for a girl! She is adorable and we were surprised to find out that she is only 6 DAYS OLD! Surprised but thrilled! We were always obviously okay with having a baby but just didn't think that we would end up with a baby. By the time she arrives home she will be several months older but still very much a baby. Never thought we'd be in baby land again but we are excited. We even got rid of all of our baby stuff. Ha! God has a sense of humor and loves to keep us on our toes.
The kids are excited too though already have said they are not changing poopie diapers. Reagan has all kind of silly names for her. She saw a picture of of the baby drinking a bottle and said " I like the one with milk. If she drinks milk, we should call her Milk. And if she has a snotty nose, we should call her Snotty. " Thanks for the suggestions Reagan but we'll pass on them.
God is also answering many prayers regarding some of the foster care cost for her. Not sure of details yet though.  There's still a lot to figure out between paperwork, timing, and cost, but it will work out.
Mr Easton will be home much earlier then baby sister. Things are still moving forward with him and we are really hoping for late spring, early summer but really just don't know. Maybe it's a really good thing that we will have some time between his arrival and baby sister's arrival.
There is still a huge spot in my heart for Miss Madelyn though I am trusting that God knows best. I'm rejoicing for her and her birth father and still praying for them. We may never understand why she was put in our hearts, but God has a reason. Even if it was to keep her fed and sheltered for the five months in foster care then technically it wasn't "down the drain" as I said before. God knows. I don't. That's okay with me.
Keep praying for everything to fall into place and praise God for every step He's taken us through! Both the heartbreaking and the exciting! Thank you for everyone who has lifted us up in prayer this last week and a half!