a hard decision

Last week we decided to put Caedmon back into public school. This decision has been a long time coming and was a very hard decision to make.

As much as I so badly wanted homeschooling to work out great for Caedmon, it just wasn't working for both of us. We first started homeschooling him because he needed some one on one attention with his reading and math. His reading has improved greatly and he now has a very good foundation in math. When we started he wasn't even able to do small math in his head because of what I believe to be a rotten foundation. Now he can do small math in his head without having to count lines or dots which is what they were having him do at school. Hopefully his solid foundation will allow him to excel in math at school now. Even though he has improved on these subjects, he will have some other subjects to improve on, such as handwriting and sentence construction. These are not our reasons for sending him back to public though and I definitely don't regret trying homeschooling out with him.

If you have young children you will know that life as a mom is crazy. Great but crazy! As Christ following moms we are called to be the heart of our homes. This looks different in every christian family, but one thing is for sure. We are to teach our children to love and obey God and give Him glory with everything we do. I'm sure some would argue with me about this, but no where in the Bible does it say that as parents we have to be the ones teaching academics to our children. Going through this, yes I do care how my son learns math, but in comparison, I'm far more concerned about his heart. In the past year of homeschooling there has been a giant change in the heart of our family. Changes that were not for the better. Now remember, as mom I'm the heart of the family and so when I see a problem with the heart of our family then I am called to address it and make changes accordingly. For a long time I thought the heart issues were the exact reason we needed to continue homeschooling. But the longer we've gone, the more I see things clearer. 

In general when Caedmon was in public school he was a happier boy. He may have been struggling academically in some areas but his heart was more joyful. This seems backwards to me, but when he was in public school he talked a lot more about God. He was always telling me stories about talking to other kids about God during recess or he was telling me about something at school that didn't line up with the Bible. He was being in the world, but not of it.  He was able to see the contrast between living for God and not. Even at that young age. We talked a lot more about God with him then because there was more questions about the sin and the lost. In the end we just want our kids to love Jesus. How academics are taught is not what God is concerned about. He's concerned about our hearts. Caedmon's heart was in better condition when we was in public school.

Caedmon is not the only one who has gained a heart condition from our year of homeschooling. Although I LOVE the idea of homeschooling and really wish it would have worked for Caedmon and I, it just didn't. I am to be a wife and mom that loves Jesus, teaches my children to love Jesus, and keeps some kind of peace and order to our home. As a homeschooling mom, I wasn't doing much of that. Teaching my kids turned into obsessing about their academic abilities, rather then teaching them to know and love God. Teaching my kids turned into daily fits and tears over math but no sorrow about our sin or joy in God's forgiveness. I've always struggled with anger, but my anger had become more and more evident while homeschooling Caedmon. I wasn't being a good wife and mom. I was starting the day in dread and ending it in guilt. I was definitely not teaching my children to love God or love learning. 

So am I a failure? Man I sure felt like one while homeschooling Caedmon and even more so when we started discussing the possibility of him going back to public. I thought a lot about what people would think of me. Was I weak? Did I really care about my kids? Was this not working because I was stupid? After talking to lots of wise people who know us well, I discovered that these were all lies. The truth is, I didn't fail. To continue doing something that isn't working just to save face is a failure. Strength is being able to admit that something in your life isn't working right and being able to humbly change it in order for it to work well. 

Since making this decision I've been so much more peaceful and loving in how I deal with my kids. I know that this decision will not make everything perfect but it will help me be better equiped to be a good MOM. The other night I was reading to the girls in the evening and I realized that I was actually enjoying it. I couldn't remember the last time I enjoyed reading to my kids. I couldn't remember the last time I actually wanted to take my time putting them to bed. 

In this decision we also had to realize just how much I'm going to be needed once our African kiddos are home. This new change will allow me to give them lots of attention needed for effective attachment during the day, and hopefully make me more available to Caedmon in the afternoon after school.

I look forward to the feelings of actually missing Caedmon and looking forward to him coming home. I loved greeting him at the door and talking with him about his day. Unfortunately, those times had more quality in them then a full day with him.

So Mr. Caedmon starts up public school again on the 22nd! He is very excited now. As of Tuesday he was hiding under his bed crying about it because he is very much like his momma and doesn't handle change well. Within two days, the night when he told him our final decision, he was excited and joyful and asking if he got to pick out a new lunch box. Last night I took him shopping and actually enjoyed it. :)

Payton is having a great time with homeschooling. The plan is to finish kindergarten with her at home and at the end of the year decide what we will do for 1st grade. She is excited about learning and has really great friends in her Friday K1 class with our homeschooling group. Each kiddos is different so we'll see what happens.

If you've made it this far through my long winded explanation then you must be really bored...or your actually care. Thanks!

you don't see that in public school

I'm back. Well, at least for today.

Another post of "you don't see that in public school." Well, okay so a student in public school might be able to eventually take a cooking class in junior high or high school but not in 2nd grade. Last week Caedmon learned how to make an Egg in a Toast Hole. He made them for all of us the morning he learned (with a little supervision). He still has that "I'm afraid I might get burned" thing going on with his hands, but he did great! He will eventually learn to cook like a fearless mom who is more concerned with ruining the food then burning the tips of fingers.

Tonight we will be planting the garden at the new house. We're doing The Family Crawford Garden, which mostly consist of Uncle Eric and myself caring for the garden and everyone else helping by eating what comes out of the garden. Which seems to be working out so far. I told Eric that I'm not picky about how it gets planted as long as it doesn't look butt ugly.
I do want the kids to help out so they can learn about gardening. It will greatly benefit them into adulthood. I would just LOVE it if all three of our kids ended up having bright green thumbs. We shall see.... I'm pretty excited for them to help pick the produce. It is both a chance to appreciate hard work and and see what God can do with a seed, dirt, water, and some sunshine.

You don't see that in public school

I asked my Pop to share with the kids some of his gardening knowledge during our Colorado visit. So far they've learned a little bit about manure tea, composting, starting plants indoor, and have helped plant a few rows of corn.
They are learning how different things are here. Back in Ames we don't have a lot of weeds that produce stickers. Ouch! The kids are learning fast that shoes are a requirement while playing outside.

Time for tea! Manure tea that is. Or poop soup as some gardeners call it. The baby plants love it. You don't see THAT in public school!

Helping grandpa plant some corn.

you don't see that in public school: vol.3

In public school you do not see girls doing their handwriting in their bunk beds and you DO NOT see girls doing their handwriting in their underwear.

you don't see that in public school: vol.2

Okay, so this IS something you'd see in public school. Water color painting. BUT most likely you wouldn't see water color painting outside at the picnic table and probably not while sporting muddy feet and you definitely wouldn't see a real dogs muddy paw print as part of a little boys painting.

you don't see that in public school: vol.1

My kids love boxes. I don't even know why we buy them toys. A trip to Sam's Club = a box or two to make cat houses and recliners for the front yard.

Last week was Dr. Seuss' birthday. For lunch we had green eggs and ham and read a bunch of his books...in our PJs.

For more info, check out this explanatory post and jump in!

School starts and a fun outing!

Now that the first few weeks of home schooling are over and we are finally starting to work through the shock of this giant change I feel like I can post these pictures without a grudge. It has been a huge adjustment for all of us. One with lots of tears from Caedmon and Mom the first few days. As the days have gone by we've all started to see some of the benefits of this big change. There have been many very hard days, but also great ones. I'm learning that God might have been nudging us in this direction for reasons far more important then academics. I believe He's daily refining me to love my children in a more purposeful, grace giving way and it's slowly but surely causing me to become more specific with my schedule. For Caedmon, I believe that God wants him to learn to submit better to his parents and be joyful even when that is hard. This could have been learned while he was going to public school, we just have an all day opportunity now...which is wonderful and exhausting! :)

This was the first Monday of Classical Conversaitons for Caedmon. The girls go to Grandma's house every Monday morning.  Notice all the hugs from Caedmon to his sister? These guys are surprisingly getting along way better. All the time together is forcing them to become friends...which Momma loves! We have our fair share of fights around here but considering how much they are together now, I'm pleasantly surprised at how much they have been playing great together!

They are getting so big!

A benefit to home schooling is that we get lots more freedom as a family. We have way more time to go visit people, take fun outings, learn math and spelling while grocery shopping, do school in the tree house, learn home economics while cleaning together or baking muffins, and most of all incorporate God into everything we learn. Just to name a few. It's still been a difficult change and I've sacrificed a ton of "free" time, but these good things outweigh the not so good things by far!
Here are some pictures of one of our outings with Caitlin, Ki, and Ella. A trip to downtown on Cyride for a visit to the pet shop, Great Plains pizza, and the Library. It was a good day!
I hope we are all close to get an adult picture of this someday!

I hadn't been on a Cyride in years! It was actually really nice to just sit there are not think about driving.

Payton didn't like the smell in the pizza place and had a hard time focusing on eating. 

I was wishing I was napping right about then too. 

homesc...homescho...homesch... schoo...schooling. homeschooling. there. i said it.

Yep. New flash! We are homeschooling! Weird. Freaky. Exciting. I, Jess Crawford, will be a homeschooling mom. Eek. First my disclosure: this blog post is NOT a post about how awesome I am now that I'm a homeschooling mom. It's NOT a, "look at me I'm a better parent then you cause I homeschool" post.
I'll start at the beginning and explain my disclosure and our decision making process. God is so silly sometimes . . .
So when Caedmon was in kindergarten about half way through Jason brought up the idea of homeschooling to me. We mulled over it for a very long time contemplating both public school and homeschooling, the pros and the cons of both and praying about what God wanted for our family. By the end of the school year we had come to the conclusion that we were strong supports of public school and Caedmon started another year. We were doing what we believed was right for our family at the time. The year went okay and Mom thought that all was well. Then Jason started reading stuff and brought the idea of homeschooling up again. He had been feeling some conviction for our family. The idea being brought up again MADE ME MAD! I thought that we had made our decision and made it well and was not happy about talking it over again. That's kind when God smacked me upside the head and said, "Be quiet and still. Follow your husband." All in one day I went from being angry about it to totally softened to it. Only God could have done that! He began to show me the great things about homeschooling and also started pointing out some things in Caedmon that made me desire to have more "character training" time with him. I'm slightly freaked out, but God continues to excite me about getting to teach my children and daily watch them learn and learn again myself! We will be trying out Classical Conversations here in Ames. I felt like I needed the structure and have some guidance. We will see how we like it and take a year at a time. I also look forward to using every moment as a teachable moment and putting into action what we are learning. I'm really excited to be relearning some history myself! We also knew that we would probably need to do some homeschooling with our African children once they arrive so it actually make sense to just start now.
Okay, so to explain my disclosure. In the past, while we were first considering homeschooling I was MAJORLY turned off by a somewhat snobby attitude that some homeschooling people may have. Now, please don't freak out on me! There are SOME homeschooling peeps out there who believe that homeschooling is THE RIGHT AND ONLY way to educate your child. I happen to not care for this attitude. Sorry if you happen to think or portray this attitude, but lets be honest here. When you put off that vibe, it does not make people want to be associated with the homeschooling world. Part of why I wasn't attracted to the idea. I actually came across a comment on a friends Facebook status once about public vs. homeschool that just set this thinking in even deeper for me. Something about how if she wanted to be a lazy parent then, yeah she would stick her kids on a school bus too. Grrr . . . Seriously lady? That's a pretty bold statement! Public schooling families, WHO DO IT RIGHT, are far from lazy. I know MANY public schooling parents who are very involved with their children's education and their kids are super great, smart, hard working kids who go on to be very successful Godly adults! There have been many other stupid things said by other, in my opinion, just plain arrogant people about schooling on both sides. BUT this is how I've decided to handle these people and my own homeschooling attitude. Ready? Here it is. We are homeschooling because that's what we believe God wants for OUR family at this. That does not mean we will be awesome at it or that we are better then anyone else. It's simply what we think God has for us right now. I'm convinced that by surrounding myself with others, homeschooling or not, who are grace giving, supportive, and as seriously flawed as I am then things will be fine. I understand that some days will totally suck and I will think that I am failing my kids as a teacher. Thankfully I have the grace of God on my side and He will hopefully continue to bring the sun up for a new day and a cleaned off marker board to start again with.
One of my favorite ideas about homeschooling so far is the fact that if we are struggling over math...reading... whatever it may be, we can stop and pray about it together! That's a pretty powerful learning tool right there!
SO please pray for us! This is going to be a giant change for our family and we will all need much grace as we figure out what homeschooling looks like for us!