be jOyfUl.

So tonight at D6 was an adoption/foster care focused night. Jason and I along with a few other couples talked about our adoption/foster care journey so far. Can I just come right out and say I did not "feel" equipped to talk to a group on the subject. I express myself much better through writing rather then talking in front of a bunch of people. I maybe should have just read something from my blog. You know when you have things planned that you think you should say and then I comes out a whole lot different? Um, yeah. Well that happened and although it turned out fine it was just another way for God to show me that I'm really not as great as I sometimes think I am.

It's been a hard week for me. This, as with any faith required step, includes a lot of spiritual warfare. I have on numerous occasions felt attacked by Satan. He has set traps and some of them I've stepped into. I saw the old, worried, anxious, easily angered me come back a few times this week and it felt so ugly!

This adoption thing is HEAVY. Not because I didn't get out the things I thought I should say tonight. It's just heavy. We haven't even hardly begun and I already feel the weight of it. Don't get me wrong, at the same time it's wonderful. Obedience is wonderful and right and good, but not comfortable and not glamorous and not done on our own abilities! I'm learning SO much about the strength God provides! The heaviness at this point comes from thoughts of the unknown, the HUGE amount of money needed, all the craziness that will come with having five children . . . and the heaviest of all lately - what if it doesn't happen? What if God closes this door and we're left with these spots in our hearts for two kids who we don't even know yet? I know the answer to those what if's and concerns should always be to,

Whether we get two really great kids, or two difficult kids, or none at all. He calls us to be joyful!

Yesterday, which was really hard for me, wasn't hard because it was a bad day that God decided to give me. Everyday is a good gift from Him. The fact that we have air to breathe is a gift. The thing that makes a bad day is sin. He gave me a good day, but I chose to make it a bad day full of worry and inward thinking. Today was a great day and the only thing that changed was where my focus was. My house was still a mess, my kids were just as busy, I was just as tired, but I had my heart focused on Christ. I'm just starting to figure out that everyday I MUST preach the gospel to myself in order to not get entangled in Satan's traps . . . and myself!

By the way, thank you to my hubby who left me the much needed foam letter note in the shower this morning! I think the U got thrown down the laundry shoot and I know the dog had the O for breakfast.

Speaking of joyfulness. Here's some from today!