Trick or Treat, smell my feet . . . .

Happy Halloween from . . . 

 The Karate Kid, . . .

 

a beautiful ballerina, . . . 

 and a baby kitty!

 

Grampa's Fun Money

Last night before our connection group we were talking with Jason's parents about the adoption and specifically the financial hurdles involved with adoption. We left to go to group and when we came back to pick up three sleeping kiddos this is what we came back to.

 Grampa's fun money! About $200 in change from a long time of emptying his pockets in his jar at the end of the day. The kids and Grampa had counted it together and talked about how it was to put in the Adoption Fund. This bag weighed about 15 pounds!

 Children lead by example. This morning Payton emptied out her bank and grabbed a giant hand full of her money and put it in a bag. " I can share too! I what to adopt a lot of kids!" she said. 

This is a fraction of what we will need to adopt but I'm already blown away! Grampa gave up his fun money and our kids witnessed it and it inspired them to do the same! Pretty sweet! Thank you Grampa John! I can imagine that Caedmon will get home from school and want to do the same. Either way, it's great to see our children excited about something outside of themselves!

Crazy Beautiful.

This last week we decided that we would take the next step in the adoption process and choose the agency we would apply for. We're going with MLJ Adoptions. Or at least we are applying with them. The application is sitting right now in front of me. I need to make copies, write the check, and get it in the mail Monday morning. The amount of money that has to be sent in with the application is doable for us. The next amount . . .  well, not so much. This is where God is going to be stretching our faith. Already He has giving us support from our parents and this last week support from our kids (as best as a 6 and 4 year old can understand and give. Something I was specifically praying for!) and countless support and prayers from a lot of other people watching this journey.

Now we need His financial support. I know He can provide if He wants to. I'm hoping He wants to, but more so, I'm hoping that I want what He wants no matter the outcome. We cannot make God do anything other then what is already in His plans for us. I want to be a part of what He is doing, not let Him be a part of what we're doing.  The amount of money needed for an adoption is insane. There's a few big chunks of money that we will need before we can even begin to apply for adoption grants and such. It's overwhelming and really easy to think that it could never happen, but we cannot put limitations on God.

Another big thing that has happened is that we have decided to try for two children. Yes, we're crazy. I hope you're all good enough at math to add 3 + 2. If you're not, that equals 5!!! Yep, there's a possibility that someday we will be Papa and Momma to 5 kids! Anyone who knows my huge faults knows that God is really going to have to use my weaknesses for His glory. I'm daily saying to myself, "I don't know how I'm going to do this."  Followed by a kick in the pants from Jason, " You're right, you're not going to be able to do this. God is." OKAY.

Our decision to seek two orphans is for many reasons, but mostly transition reasons. Can you imagine how scary it might be to not only leave everything you've ever known but then also to join a family of blond hair, blue eyed, pasty white weirdos when you're the only beautifully brown skinned one? (have you figured out that our heart is in Africa? Although I won't say here from where specifically until I know it's ok.) So on our application we put that we are interested in a boy ages 2-5 and a girl ages 0-3 and hoping for siblings but we are obviously fine with non-related.

So you can imagine that my week started out with, "God what are you doing to me?" The question was no longer should we pursue adopting a child, but should we pursue adopting TWO children. Whoa. Just so you know, we aren't as crazy as our friends the Lee's who are adopting THREE children at once! God is working! It's crazy. Crazy beautiful! Jen and I have already said that we will need to stock up on hair dye, coffee, and lots chocolate . . . and of course be armed with God's strength and not our own! By the way, if you are interested in adoption, Jen's site has a wealth of knowledge. She's been a great help to me!

Then mid week I had a few days of discouragement in regards to my human weaknesses as a mom and our HUGE financial hurdles. Then Wednesday night Jason wanted to be out at the church for the family ministry, D6, a little early cause it was his first week to start helping with the junior high ministry, 180. We got our kiddos in their  D6 classes, Jason went off to 180, and I went up the the equipping room for the parents time. No one was there yet so I grabbed a seat and thanked the Lord for the downtime. I hadn't gotten to read my Bible all day and prayed for God to help me change my discouraged perspective. I don't usually randomly pick something in the Bible to read unless I have just extra time. And it is usually the Psalms, cause they just rock! So I randomly opened up to Psalms 146. THANK YOU GOD!
Here it is!
Psalm 146
¹ Praise the Lord!
   Let all that I am praise the Lord.
    ² I will praise the Lord as long as I live.
      I will sing praises to my God with my dying breath.
 ³ Don’t put your confidence in powerful people;
      there is no help for you there.
 ⁴ When they breathe their last, they return to the earth,
      and all their plans die with them.
 ⁵ But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper,
      whose hope is in the Lord their God.
 ⁶ He made heaven and earth,
      the sea, and everything in them.
      He keeps every promise forever.
 ⁷ He gives justice to the oppressed
      and food to the hungry.
   The Lord frees the prisoners.
    ⁸ The Lord opens the eyes of the blind.
   The Lord lifts up those who are weighed down.
      The Lord loves the godly.
 ⁹ The Lord protects the foreigners among us.
      He cares for the orphans and widows,
      but he frustrates the plans of the wicked.
  The Lord will reign forever.
      He will be your God, O Jerusalem, throughout the generations.
   Praise the Lord!

Need I say more? Nope.

The True Size of Africa

Check this out. Jason found this and sent it to me. CRAZY! You don't feel so big anymore America, do you?

The True Size of Africa

Thoughts on Adoption from a few little kids.

There's obviously been a lot of talk about adoption going on in our house. In the last few weeks every time that Caedmon is asked his opinion on the subject he would say that he did NOT want another brother or sister. But yesterday when I was talking with the kids about it, Caedmon's response was this, "yeah, actually I've been kind of sad lately cause I don't have a brother. I think I'd like a brother so he can help me pick on the girls and then I don't have to do it all on my own. There's a few things we need to do so that we can adopt. First we need to have a family vote. We can get a piece of paper and each of us can write down how many more kids we want." (cause, yes, we are considering and mulling over adopting two children! More on this and our agency choice later!) Caedmon continues, " Then you need to talk with a bunch of other people who have adopted kids and see what they think about it for us." (what a wise son I have!) "Then mom, we need to make a lot more money." (Understatement of the year buddy!) I love that his heart is changing! This might have to do with the fact that he will end up with bunk beds in his room if we do adopt, but whatever. I'll take what I can get!

Payton's input into this conversation was, " I want a brown brother AND a brown sister!"

Our four year old drama queen.

 Happy Birthday Payton!

Today Payton is four years old. Last night after a birthday party Grandpa and Grandma took Caedmon and Payton camping. So the birthday girl got to wake up in their camper and have dutch oven baked cinnamon rolls for her breakfast. I'll have to hug my birthday girl later today.

I can't believe that she is four already! It's all going too fast. The hours sometimes drag on and on, but I really can't believe how fast the years have gone. Payton becomes more and more like a little young woman everyday! She is our crazy one. She's the constantly singing, talking, death defying, drama queen who has the ability to send mom straight from near heart attack, to severally irritated, rolling on the floor with laughter, to madly in love all within a few moments. Everyone says she's my mini me in looks. That's pretty true but we are pretty different in personality. A lot of the time I don't understand her, but a lot of the time she's just so wonderfully refreshing. She's so fun and looks at life with such adventurous eyes!

God is really starting to capture her little heart. I think she is searching to understand how this Jesus in our hearts things works. In the car the other day she was saying how she asked Jesus into her heart. I then asked her about sin and that she was a sinner and how she needed to confess that to God and let Him be the boss of her life. Her reply, "Yeah, I know. But I'm the boss of my Barbies."

A few days ago I was talking to her about adoption. We talked about what orphans are and what it means to adopt orphans into a family. She seems to understand pretty well for her age but I wasn't sure how it was soaking in. Then that night after Jason had gotten home from work and was relaxing in the basement, she yells down to him with a really loud matter of fact voice, "Papa, if there are kids with no moms and dads, we're supposed to adopt them. OKAY!"

These pictures are from this last week when she begged and begged me to let her try on my wedding dress. So cute! I love this girl so much!

(she thought the sewed in "boobie cups" were just so silly!)

Our one year old sweet face.

 Happy Birthday Reagan!

 Today my baby is ONE YEAR OLD! This year has gone SO fast. It's kind of sad, but it's great too. Reagan has been such a joy to our family! It's hard to believe that at one point early in my pregnancy with Reagan we were not so excited. Some of that had to do with the fact that I had my head in the toilet for a few months. It took quite a while until both Jason and I felt excited about having another child. I'm SO glad that God is in control though! I can't possibly imagine our family without this wonderful unplanned bundle of joy! She is a true gem! I think knowing that she is my last baby has also helped me really savor her. She's so deliciously adorable! Don't you think? Yes, yes you do!

At least a few times everyday I look at her beautiful face and just realize how completely head over heals I am for her. I do that with all my kiddos! They are all VERY different in personality, but I just love them to pieces! I'll be honest, there are days when I think I'm going crazy with the messy house, the fighting, and the CONSTANT need for mom, but I'm so grateful that the joys of having children BY FAR outweigh the annoyances. And there is nothing like being a parent to show me how totally and completely selfish I am. This is a good thing. It has been the greatest task in my life so far. Being a mom. Greatest in burdens and greatest in joys! It's a wonderfully difficult part of life that God has graced me with! 

My brain hurts!

Ok, my brain officially hurts. It's for a good reason though.
I've hardly even begun to scratch the surface of all the little details of adoption. I'm talking about the forms and applications and financing  . . . oh my. I'm lost and my brain hurts but I'm trying to get a grasp as to where to start. Thankfully there are many other families in our church who are in the process of adoption, steps ahead of us, and they are going to be our wealth of knowledge! The Lee's were over last night to talk adoption with us. It was so encouraging! . . .  and then discouraging. The issue is money. That is our GIANT roadblock. The roadblock that God probably sees as a little pebble in the road. So the cost of adoption can be discouraging, but I know we serve an Almighty God who can totally provide where He sees fit and can also help us through our simpleminded searchings of other ways to finance this journey! First step - appointment made to start giving plasma regularly. It's such a small amount of money compared to what we are going to need, but it's a dent in it at least. Not to mention the value in getting to just sit there and read or, as Tori Haverkamp would put it, "let God brush my hair."

So tonight as I was looking at different websites that offer grants and such I thought that I should start writing some of this stuff down. Mostly I'm wanting to write myself notes, a to do list, and keep a little time line of our journey so that I can look back at the days and remember what was happening when and so forth. I remembered that I had an old journal from a long time ago that I had hardly used and thought it would work great. It's one of those that has a different verse for everyday at the bottom of the page. Awesome. Perfect for this. On the cover was "And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us . . . " Psalm 90:17. SWEET! So I just had to get out my own Bible and read the whole chapter! This is what stuck out!

¹⁴ Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
      so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.
 ¹⁵ Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery!
      Replace the evil years with good.
 ¹⁶ Let us see your miracles again;
      let our children see your glory at work.
 ¹⁷ And may the Lord our God show us his approval
      and make our efforts successful.
      Yes, make our efforts successful!

Ok, I have nothing left to say after that except, wow! I can't wait to see HIM at work!