Adoption update

By now many of you have probably seen some of my Facebook statuses from this last week, but for those of you who have not here's an update on our adoptions.

On Saturday morning we received a phone call from our agency informing us that our daughter's birth father requested her back. We do not really know much more details about how this came about but we are pretty heartbroken. The country we are adopting from always gives rights to birth parents over adopting parents and so back to her father she will go.

 I can't really even explain the feelings that have been rushing through us in the days since. For me personally, the best way to explain the pain is something much harder then having a miscarriage. This is not at all to minimize the pain of a miscarriage. Trust me, I know that pain as well and it is great, but this has hurt so much more. I think because, though we had not yet met her, she was this little person actually in pictures. We named her and had things specifically for her and could actually put a sweet little face with our thoughts of her.

The only aspect of the loss that seems better compared to our miscarriage is that I believe we are more mature in our faith now. Though I think we handled the miscarriage in a God honoring way, my thoughts with this loss are much more glorifying to God in a way that embraces the grief and captures thoughts that Satan feeds. Through every loss in life we have a chance to respond in bitterness toward God or in humbleness before Him. He gives and takes away as He sees fit and that's a good thing. At times it may not FEEL that He is good, but we are to KNOW that He is good. I don't believe that God would have us not grieve, but grieving within submission to Him is entirely different then grieving in a fight against Him. There was a short time that I wanted to be angry and shake my fist at God, but our wise son said simply, " Mom, this is what God wants." And he's right.

I would never compare this pain to the loss of a child that had actually been given to me or to the pain of losing my mom to cancer. This is different. It even feels strange. At times it's as if I have no business being so heartbroken cause she was never really my child....but she was sort of. It's strange that the agency already has another little girl that they would like us to consider. In some sense it's like little Madelyn is just "replaceable." I can think like that, or I can open my eyes to the reality that that's just how GREAT THE NEED REALLY IS. There are so many children out there needing homes. Like our home study provider said, "There will always be children." And he's right. Unfortunately, there will always be children needing homes. In some ways, I should be joyful that Madelyn's father came forward. Hopefully he will be a good papa to her and now we can be used for a child that actually has no parents. All we can do is trust that God knows and loves our children more then we ever could.

It was also brought to our attention that because Madelyn is in our hearts, she's also in the hearts of everyone who supports us and therefore has a pretty huge amount of people praying for her. Prayers that would never have been prayed on her behalf had she never been matched with us in the first place. So that's pretty cool.

So now we wait to see if we will be matched up with this other little girl. If we are it sounds like her case would be put on the fast track. Not sure if she would be able to come home when Mr. Easton would or not. We just don't know a whole lot at this point.

Lots of you have asked how you can pray:
-Pray that Madelyn would be going back to a good situation and that her transition would go well. We will never know in this lifetime how her life turns out. Ask for peace in that.
-Pray for Easton as he's still waiting to come home. He must be so confused right now as Madelyn spent 5+ months with him in foster care and now she is somewhere else.
-Pray for our family to continue to heal and trust God. Pray that the rest of this long adoption process would go smoothly and quickly.
-Pray for the little girl that might be matched with us. That God would place her with us if that's what He wants and if she is, that He would begin to prepare her heart for the changes ahead.
-Most of all pray that God would be glorified no matter what the outcome.

Hoping to have a new update for you in the next few days!